The P-Log Explains: The Bristol Stool Chart

Whats all this talk about Bristol 5's and 7's and such, you ask? Well, you see Timmy, The Bristol Stool Chart is an actual medical classification system for deuces. The scale ranges from 1-7 (See Chart Below) varying on the size, shape, and liquid contents of your poop. A Bristol 1 is extremely un-healthy. This is what happens if all you eat is cheese for a week. You become backed up, and when you finally are able to push out a BM, all you see are tiny little hard pellets. These are quite difficult to pass. If you happen to be a daily imbiber of alcohol, like all the contributors to this blog, these are very few and far between.

The other end of the spectrum would be the Bristol 7. AKA "Booze Poop", "Butt Pee", or "I shouldn't have drank that whole case of PBR last night poop".

Now you may be wondering where a good, healthy deuce would land on the scale. That my friend, is a good ol' 2-4. Needless to say, we hardly ever come across these anymore. Diets consisting of Taco Bell and beers that are 1100cal per 12oz help prevent this. If you find your self in the 2-4 range, GREAT JOB! You're treating your body right.

P-log #2 - Ghost D

I pooped today. At least I think I must have. I got up way earlier than normal and it crazied up my whole schedule. Also, if I can't remember it then it must have been smooth sailing. One thing I can guarantee though, I was for sure reading the C(sh)ity Pages. Nothing conjurs a nice poo like reading Dan Savage.

P-log #1 - A New Morning

I woke this morning to a strange feeling in my bowels. Reflecting upon my night before (Little Cesars Hot and Ready, A lot of Surly Furious, and the #1 culprit, PBR), I quickly gauged the probability of the imminate deuce. Based on the bubbling stomach and increasing temperature of my anus, I assumed a raging Bristol 7 was on deck (See next Post for explanation of the Bristol Stool Chart). That wasn't the case.

After rushing into the bathroom and noticing a new brand of toilet paper, I immediately prepped myself for departure. Much to my suprise, it was a loose Bristol 5. Slightly brown, broken up into little droppings mixed with some left over PBR made for a fast and efficient deuce. The slight burning/temp change could be attributed to the sriracha I used all over my Little Cesars.

All in all, the deuce moved me in the right direction for the morning. While I was making coffee to take to work, I realized I had left my travel coffee mug behind the previous night. This was going to make things difficult since I rely on coffee and cigs for my second deuce of the day. This will make things interesting.......