A 3 Hour Journey

It was a quiet morning. I remember it quite well. There wasn't much going on at Zipp's, so I decided to take an early lunch (11:32a). I decided to treat myself to some True Thai. I ordered one of my favorite entrees, Panang Curry. Amongst many delicious ingredients, Panang Curry includes one of my most desired vegetables. Peas. Fast forward to 3 hours later....
It was still very quiet in the store (with one exception). My stomach and bowels were in perfect harmony. This told me one thing. It was time to drop a deuce. I scuttled to the privacy of the downstairs lavatory. The obvious ensued. A few plops and a couple of wipes later, I pulled up my britches and gazed into the bowl below. "What the...?" I exclaimed. Much to my amazement, amongst the tattered remains of food previously digested, was a perfectly placed, undigested pea! It was embedded into a 3.5 inch log, (about a 4 on the bristol scale, see ref.), like a diamond in an engagement ring! This threw me for a loop, (and still does). "But how is this even possible!?", I asked the turd. I have always been led to believe that it takes at least a day to make the journey through the miles of intestines that make up a great portion of the human body, but 3 friggin' hours!? I know that i hadn't had any peas for at least a week, so any remnants from past meals are out of the question. My curiosity has gone unanswered. Google was of no use, nor was my dead grandfather (he was a doctor). I would appreciate some answers, I haven't had a good nights sleep in weeks.

Female phenom: Fast Pooping

As in most subjects, it is usually good to have a female perspective on things. I can't say that this applies to everything, but I think that it definitely applies in the world of pooping. As I was sittin' cozy on the work can today, I thought briefly about the fact that I am indeed one of the fastest shidooby takers in the store. Most people don't even know that I've been up to frosting the bowl unless they enter the b-room after I've left and get a whiff of my work. Some people have actually asked me how I manage to dump the cargo so quick...all I can say is that I know my business and what to do with it.

So why is it that men and women vary so greatly on their doo-duty time frame? The only thing I could come up with in my head is that women, tho they may appreciate the art of defecation, we tend not to revel in the moment as much as men. I think men see it as a time to get away from everything, read an article in the newspaper and relax. It is essentially a zen man-with-himself moment where he isn't getting yelled at, having to lift something heavy or open a really stubborn jar. Why someone would want to spend such a spell breathing in their own oily shit fumes is beyond me...even if it IS indeed the respite that he seeks. Women, on the other hand, I think see it as a brief brown speed-bump in the day...something that just needs to be knocked out (or ejected, rather) and then we can move along.

What I think is absolutely great, though, is that men and women both share a great sense of accomplishment at the end of a great deuce.

Just a thought.

Kerri